Posts Tagged ‘life’


Character Lessons From an Innkeeper

October 4, 2016

Someone I knew, although not all that well, died recently. In total, I had no more than a dozen conversations with Richard, but his words, his presence, and his energy influenced me. A loss is hard enough when you know someone well, but when you lose someone who plays a small but impactful role in your life, it can be confusing and certainly jarring.

When I heard Richard had died, I was sad; sad for him, his family, and his friends. I was sad for the small hole in my life but also sad for other strangers, who’d known him only marginally, but would miss his presence.

Richard worked at an old mountain inn, which was almost always empty and not at all fancy. I went there to write because the town was quiet, I knew no one, and could get a lot of work done in a short period of time. I had no distractions, except one: Richard.

Sometimes I’d arrive at the hotel last minute, because it wasn’t the kind of place one needed a reservation. Richard would wave his hands in the air, greeting me like a long-lost celebrity. He liked to talk, but I had deadlines and work to get done. Eventually, I learned to plan intentional evening writing breaks to listen to Richard’s stories. I never regretted it.

At first, Richard’s tall tales made me scratch my head. Were they really true? But as I got to know him, I realized they were. Richard lived in the middle of nowhere, but he’d been places. As he poked the logs crackling in the fireplace, he’d tell me about his mother, growing up on a farm, and picking apples. He shared incredible adventures about his time in the military. He told me about quinoa growth in South America and the complicated legalities of water rights. He was a lobbyist with a strong political bent. Richard was not a gossip but knew everyone in town and beyond.

Once, I sat silently as Richard spent an hour arguing with an older man who had opposing political views. They remained civil, agreeing to disagree. Later, I mentioned how it was nice, rare these days, but nice they respected each other’s views. Richard answered in his usual, enthusiastic voice, “Why get angry when someone disagrees with you? If we all thought the same way, life would be big time boring.” He was right, of course. If we all had the same politics, the same religion, and the same interests, life would be ‘big time boring.’

From what I gathered, Richard’s time was anything but boring, but I didn’t realize how significantly his stories made me think about life. Every time I left town, a piece of him found its way into my writing and into my world. Not only did Richard help me realize the importance of taking time to talk and cultivate unforeseen relationships, but he also taught me something about character development; a necessary piece of writing.

As a fiction writer, I use a variety of tools to create believable characters. The enneagram, character sketches, psychology tests, and archetypal profiles all help me build the people in my manuscripts. There are times I want to cheat and make it easier for myself by not doing the needed work to deepen a character. But when I do, the characters fall flat. By living his life fully and deeply, Richard reminded me to make characters complex, rich with detail, and unexpected. A complex character can make or break a story. I think Richard felt that way about life—you make it or break it by the kind of world you build.

I’ll miss Richard, but I don’t regret the time I took to ask a few questions and listen to his stories. He lived a large life. So should we all.


What’s in Your Heart?

April 20, 2009

As he thinks in his heart, so he is.

-Jewish Proverb

I began this blog six months ago and by now, my readership has grown. Hopefully. While some of you know me, many do not. In accordance with this Jewish proverb, plus a facebook game that tags you to tell 25 things about yourself, I’ve decided to post a few juicy tidbits about myself.

My heart includes the following twenty-five:

1. My three kids are the light of my life. So cliché, but true.

2. If I’m not writing, I’m skiing. Hopefully, with Dan.

3. I am a salt-aholic. Not only do I ask for it at Chinese restaurants, but request salt at fine dining establishments, just to annoy the chef.

4. I read three books at a time. I’m such a braggart.

5. My hair has golden highlights that my son calls zebra stripes. Want to rent a 9-year-old?

6. I secretly wish I were a singer in a rock and roll band. Or at least, wish I carried the rights to that song.

7. My oldest brother died in Japan at 6 weeks old. I never knew him. He would have been 11-years-older than me. My brother, Kirk, died of HIV in 1991. My parents are strong people.

8. I have one other brother and two sisters who live far, far away.

9. My dad taught me to be kind, think ahead, and to eat bread with thick butter and sugar on it.

10. My mom taught me to smile, look for the good, and to never throw anything out, including leftover coffee.

11. I dread wrinkles on my neck. No laugh lines there.

12. I lived with a Muslim family and married into a Jewish family. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

13. I like peanut butter, ketchup and bacon sandwiches. My grandmother taught me.

14. My prom picture is posted on Facebook. But I still like the guy.

15. This may kill my readership, but I don’t like dogs. Except for mine, and only sometimes.

16. My friends taught me to laugh, cry, and to hem pants with duct tape.

17. The worst date I ever had was with a virtual stranger at a Quiet Riot concert at the Air Force Academy. I told him my dorm at Colorado College had a curfew and ditched him.

18. Not only did I go to camp, but I was a camp counselor and loved every minute of it. Except for the meatloaf.

19. I liked high school better than college and much better than junior high.

20. I love to dance but am almost worse at it than singing. My friend gave me private lessons in her basement, just so I could make the high school girls’ chorus line my senior year. It worked. But, I still have two left feet.

21. The closest I’ve come to Hollywood is shaking Jamie Farr’s hand. That’s because he’s from Toledo, like me.

22. I grew up 15 miles from the flattest, recorded place on earth. Go figure, I was the only honors student at the school who wanted to be an Olympic skier instead of a doctor.

23. I sit in the back row of the movie theater.

24. Go Blue!

25. My book, Soul Sunday: A Family’s Guide to Exploring Faith and Teaching Tolerance is dedicated to my kids, with all my heart.

What’s in your heart?